As time slowly passes the dust starts to settle and my emotions that were raw are now slow cooking in a simmering fire. I still get sudden pangs of sadness and random bouts of anger but most of the time I’m just in a quiet state of almost acceptance. One could say I’m apathethic and I agree that I might look a bit catatonic, however, deep inside me all I have is a constant feeling of profound sadness and a huge ammount of that very Portuguese word “saudades”.
I believe it is only natural to feel like this you know? Sad because something that made me feel good ended… And yet all that I hear from those who really love me is contrary to this. They tell me that I’m better off now, that I’m not the one losing something good. I did… No, I DO like that woman. And in all honesty, I’m not going to write why I like her or even why I shouldn’t like her. That is over-rationalizing it. I’m solely focused on feeling whatever I am feeling, accepting and letting go.
The truth of the matter is that I still miss her, no matter what happened. And, for the time being, that is all that I can feel… I also believe that this will eventually change and then I’ll start feeling other things again.