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Sometimes I feel like…

Bitter apple take a bite
(It’s kind of wonderful)
Fallen star you’re mine tonight
(Strange but beautiful)
Bitter apple take my life
(It’s kind of wonderful)
If I close my eyes you’re mine tonight

This and so many other songs come to my mind. Lately I’ve been drawn back to Dave Gahan and Depeche Mode. They have such wonderful songs, that touch deep inside, maybe reopen ancient wounds or, who knows, soothe old pains that have always been here.

I don’t exactly know what I’m doing, I just know that I’m moving. I can feel the ground sliding past below my feet. I don’t know what the destination is and even though I say to myself I don’t care about that, the truth is, I do care. I’m just not afraid.

I might be heading towards a brick wall head first and I don’t mind. I can take the wall down with me.

I feel like crying. Not out of sadness, neither out of joy. Just… Simply crying out of pure raw emotions. A whole lot of them.

I am crying. I can feel the big lump in my throat, I can feel the small drops sliding down my face from my eyes, I can taste their salty taste in my lips. I think I haven’t cried like this in a long time. Maybe too much time.

I’m feeling a whole mixture of things right now.

Anger, sadness, joy, hapyness, excitement, anxiousness, and yet… No fear.