No sleep

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Things were starting to pick up, wounds were (are) mending and healing, I was starting to have complete nights of sleep and now…

A set back. Fell asleep around half past midnight, woke up at two and half an hour later here I am still thinking.

Everything goes through my mind, all kind of thoughts, stories, “what ifs”, you name it.

Friends and family keep telling me: “you need to snap out of it” or “pick yourself up out of that hole”.

I agree with them, however it’s easier said than done. My mind still wonders there, I still go down these dark paths and still don’t have great control over it.

This is where it gets confusing. We keep hearing that we must stop trying to control everything however if I don’t control these urges I keep going into these dark places… Over and over again.

And every time I do this, the light dies out a little bit. I guess this where I’m heading, the darkness of a lonely old age.

Fucking midlife crisis.